Raising Grateful Kids

                                                                 

                              

I have recently begun reading the book Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World (RGK)  by Kirsten Welch as part of a book launch team. It is a timely and convicting read laced with confessional encouragement and inspirational guidance. It is available here for pre-order for January.

The first chapter discusses wants vs. needs and the American dream.  I can remember doing a school assignment with my oldest years ago on wants and needs. It was a      mixed lesson discussing the economy, budgeting and essentials of society.  Pretty ambitious for the second grade. It asked the students to list in two columns wants and needs.  It encouraged you to list general things and then break them down.

 For instance:

Shelter is a need but what kind of shelter could be listed under both need and want.  This is where it got blurry.  We live in a 2300 square foot house of brick, wood and dry wall. It has air conditioning and heat. Electricity and running water. A fine home indeed.   Now I believe everyone would consider four walls, a floor and a roof over their head a need.  I live in the deep south of Alabama. As I type this it is late December and 75 degrees so I consider AC a need; yet people have lived in this region for centuries without it. (and yes I realize some have died due excessive heat.)   But there are people all over the world, in places far hotter than Alabama such as the Middle East and Africa who have never nor will they ever have AC.    Another example was food. Everyone must eat to stay alive. We need food, but we don’t have to have lobster everyday of our life.  Here is where of course the budgeting lesson came in.

Then there were some intangible needs like safety or education.  Everyone needs to be safe. But exactly what does that look like?  Military? Police? Handgun? Gated community? Guard dog?  The discussion could go on and on. What the exercise did was not only allow you to see the very basics of human need (food, water, shelter, safety, education, love, employment) but also required you to consider the specific way in which those needs were filled and if those ways blurred into wants. 

Now this is not to say that it is wrong to want things above our needs. It simply lets us see that many of our needs are met and it changes our perspective into one of grievance to gratitude.  In addition it helps us to analyze how we go about meeting those needs and which ones we place as priority. Striving to make a basic need made better isn’t greedy either, when it’s launched from a platform of gratitude and kept within the boundary of enough.

This was a great lesson for my second grader and an eye opening one for her mama. Kirsten Welch writes   that “ as uncomfortable as it sounds, parents who want less-entitled kids have to be less entitled themselves, and parents who want to raise more grateful kids need to start by living more grateful lives.”  Wow -this moment was brought to me by Rude Awakening Productions. 

This realization coupled with the simple second grade exercise is a sign that it is time for a reevaluation of our family’s current wants and needs.  I have a sneaky suspicion there will be some category hopping.

Staying out of jail

I don't even know if I can do this post justice. I am incredibly grateful for my man. We have been together for 25 years, married for 24 this July and I can honestly say there is no one else I would rather be with.  That is not to say that every moment has been bliss- far from it. There have been good, joyful loving wonderful times. and there have been bad, moody, frustration suxy times too. as well as the just plain mundane, hectic and ordinary.

  Such is a thing called life.  All these days , emotion and events fall into every ones timetable. Its who you spend those times, whatever they may be, that counts. and I have been privileged enough to spend those times with a kind, smart man named Marc Hill,  After so many mistakes (read date bad boys reeling in selfishness) how I landed this gem is purely grace.  

Please stop making me laugh!!

We are so very different in personality. I'm loud, he's quiet. I'm impulsive, he's contemplative. I think out loud, he thinks before he speaks.  He cooks, I don't. The list could go on and on . I once told someone that Marc married me so he would have some fun and spice in his life and I married him so I would stay out of jail.  So far , so good!  ( seriously, you have no idea)

But for all we have that is opposite, we have the core things down.  We're both honest, we're both loyal. We both fail. We both forgive. We both love and trust God. We both work hard. We both are willing to sacrifice for the other. We are both kind (in very different ways)

And we are both fun , also in different ways. We both love our children unconditionally.

Prom 2012

Fixing the retaining wall- but time for a pic!

The dog we got when I was out of town!!

Our love has changed and grown over the years. It manifest itself differently than when we were younger. We are still very much attracted to each other but flirting is where it's at and on weeknights and where it ends because baby we are 3 kids, 2 dogs and a mortgage into this thing- were kinda tired. :) 

But were closer than ever.  We know how to love each other, whats important to the other one. 

We know each others love language and we know how to just "be". Even if we are not doing the same thing, we can be in the same room, near each other . We enjoy each other.

Friday Marc will be having surgery to remove part of his colon.  While this isn't celebratory news, it is news that has a lots of reasons to be grateful : 

there is no cancer.  

we got the surgical procedure to laproscopic along with the surgeon we want. 

He is young and this is semi elective to remove damage from 10 years of diverticulitis. 

The surgery will improve the quality of his life.  

We have parents that  are going to come and help .

 Friends that are praying for us and helping with our children and 

most of all a God who is the healer of all flesh.  

So I am forever grateful to be married to Marc Hill.

I am blessed to be loved by him.

Siblings

So when you just do the next thing on front of you, it awesome when it gets mixed up a bit!!
The is is where I have an advantage over most. My fabulous sister. She is  unpredictable, creative and spontaneous.
I'm grateful! ! 
Nothing can say -cheer up chick
Like a crazy as sister! !

Grateful girls

Busy week and busier days,ahead.  Tonight I went out with the youngest chick.  After work and school we hit the ortho
Chik  fil a
Target
Haircut-eyebrow wax (so on fleek- new teen word of the week)
The Prodisee pantry
And finally Moe's (we never say no to moe)
I had the best time and she was reletively unphased by hanging with me in public-score!!!

And here is a picture at Moe's with those on fleek eyebrows just gazing you down! !

Here we are trying on winter hats at Target. Does the purple make my for heads look wrinkly?

So happy to be with this chick.

Grateful and Goodnight!!!

Sunday- Day of Thanks

I flat out didn’t post. But it was a rough day. My emotions were high. Older girls went back to school which is always hard. My man’s health has been not so great lately and my mind was in an uncooperative state went it came to being happy.  But looking back on it I can be grateful for endurance. Because I basically journaled  it out with God and ended up with the fact that this is just a season and rather than run and curl up in a ball of denial, I could just stare the trash in the face , decide not to be afraid and trust God will get me through .  I could ask “What I am supposed to learn in this season? “ What lesson.  Sometimes the answer isn’t fun. 

The lesson might be how to endure, how to be grateful in hard times.

 Or this is a sticky one: Dependence.

Dependence on God to meet my needs.

Dependence on God to be faithful.

Dependence on God’s love even when I don’t feel it.

I think this is part of what I am learning, because so far the begging for relief and the hiding coping skills I possess (insert sleep, apathy, resentment) just haven’t really gotten me anywhere. Shocking I know , right?  This stinking thinking reminds me of a line from a country song: “You ask a Jeannie in a bottle of Jack Daniels and she lies to you.”  Yeah that kind of face palming epiphany.

I also received a dose of conviction about my emotional/spiritual laziness. I called it “ If I just ignore it , it will go away” but alas the toma-to/tom-a-to doesn’t really apply here. Ignoring darkness doesn’t destroy it only light can do that.  So it requires – wait for it – exposure.  It’s hard to get that in the fetal position, covers overhead, cry festival. But I looked for it there anyway. 

  This realization brought to the forefront that I need to work at  (read- participate in ) being happy. Now this is not to diminish the times I have tried and still didn’t feel better. It happens, but I am coming to accept that anything is better than lying down in the depression/ anxiety.  Because even if my efforts result in very little betterment, the act of not giving in, however that looks, counts in and of itself. It builds up muscle against the darkness and next time I’m that much stronger and experienced.

The act of NOT giving in can look different every day.  It can be a funny movie, purposely thinking of someone’s else’s needs and acting, reading scripture, praying for myself and others, stating truth out loud, exercise, walk the dog or maybe even a nap; (if it’s not in the I need to be unconscious sad hide mode) Just resting in God and doing the next thing in front of you is enough. Sometimes I clean a lot or organize something just to be moving and then even if my mood stays the same at least I have a clean organized area.

Dancing with a large shrimp- just one depression buster idea!

 Sometimes it’s intentional self-care. How long has it been since I shaved my legs?  How about a face mask, treat myself to a pedicure or attempt something on Pinterest.   Think about how awesome my abs would be if I dropped and gave 50 every time I had a distressing, negative thought.  12 pack baby- nothing but steel.

Anyway I am grateful I kept on keeping on yesterday.  The day was better for it. I was better for it. Everyone around me was better for it.    And even though at the end of the day I was still a little down in the dumps I looked back at all that went on during the day and it made me smile. I was glad I did it even if it was like walk in through jello .  I got to kinda have a yeah baby- take that dark cloud –moment and I got to be grateful.  

  Victory and Gratitude.  Nice combo.

So I am choosing to be grateful for the struggle and the presence of God while enduring tough seasons and I choosing to be grateful to let the outcome of be in God’s hands.

Because at the end of the day I can depend on God because He is dependable.

Grateful View

Grateful for what I can see.  And grateful that I can choose what I see.
The eyes have been said to be the window to the soul.  Be careful what you let in .

Jesus said the eye is the lamp of the body.  And if your eyes,are healthy your whole being will be full of light.

What you see is important.  It filters to the whole of you. You think on it. Let's face it there are just some things you can't unsee.  It shapes your thinking.

In Romans it says to transform your self by the renewing of your mind. This verse comes directly after a verse telling us to use our bodies as,a living sacrifice holy and pleasing to God.  A link between your body and your mind clearly exist. We can prove this medically now in 2015, but God , who created both body and soul, tells us it is so. 

 
The eye is a part of your body and a instantaneous link to your mind. If you fill it with images and words of the  world how will you not be conformed to it?  Now this isn't to say walk around with a blindfold but be aware of what you allow in your eyes and what you put your eye to. Where do you focus?

If we have our sight let us be grateful by choosing wisely to put truth, beauty and light before our gaze. Let us be grateful by turning not a blind eye, but a watchful one away from evil, darkness and deception. 
I've chosen poorly lately . So please don't think I come from a position of criticizing.  I come from a position of confession.  I make bad choices sonetimes. Some delibrate. Some lazy.
But poor.  I'm grateful I can repent of this and I'm grateful I can choose again.
Grateful to see another moment with my eyes and my soul .
I get to  ooen, close, and shift my eyes to the light.  
I'm grateful and looking forward to seeing better tomorrow.

A Thankful Wife

One of the important people in my life is my husband Marc.  He is a huge portion of my world and my day. He is responsible for much of the other important people in my life: our 3 chicks.

It is often easy to overlook your spouse on a daily basis. You do life together, the good, bad, the mundane.  In and out day after day.  Some days just feel like we hit a repeat button: up, eat, work, school, errands, home, eat, chores, flop in exhaustion on couch, watch tv, fall asleep . Repeat . It's like we are stuck reading a shampoo bottle in an endless loop.
But these days are spent along side my man. They aren't necessarily exciting but they are together.  And together is where it is at.  

 I'm grateful to have his face to look at when I arrive home.  His arms around me and his face to kiss. I sometimes forget to kiss that face or fall into those arms when I get home because.... well I'm tired, distracted or hungry.Yet these are the very moments we have together right now.   We're not in the market for a vacation.  Date night can't be every night. So we have this time together and these small interactions matter.  Having 2 chicks out of the nest these moments matter even more. Very soon our littlest chick will fly the coop too and Marc and I will be alone together.

Kinda catches me by surprise when I see it all laid out in black and white like that.  I could focus on the word alone.  All my chicks out of our home. I've been a mom for so long it will be strange to have all the kids out of my immediate reach.   But I'm going to focus on the word together.  Marc and I will be together.

When that time comes I'm sure we will discover a bit of each other all over again.  But I don't want to be strangers , I don't want to have neglected so great a gift in front of me that I missed the joy . I am grateful for Marc.

I'm grateful for his love everyday in his acts of service( his love language) to his family. In fact just a moment ago he texted to ask what time I get off and told me he was buying more blue lights so we can decorate the tree while all 3 chicks are in the nest!! 

 He knows I'm weird and I only like blue lights on the Christmas tree. It's my thing.  

So I'm grateful he gets me and all my quirky things.

Like the saying on my kitchen wall

Together,  the best place to be.